I primarily use the Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy model (IBCT) in my work. IBCT is a type of couple therapy that helps partners improve their relationship by changing problematic behaviours, when change is possible, and also accepting and understanding differences that may never completely disappear.

 

IBCT recognizes that some conflicts arise from fundamental differences in personality, needs, values, or habits. Instead of viewing these differences as deal breakers, the therapy helps partners understand the cycle of conflict, reduce blame, and find workable ways to live with and negotiate their differences.

 

1. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approving of harmful behavior or giving up. It means:

• Understanding your partner’s perspective

• Recognizing vulnerabilities behind behaviors

• Reducing attempts to control, diagnose or “fix” each other

• Responding with empathy rather than criticism or defensiveness

 

2. Behaviour change

When change is possible and helpful, I may work on:

• Communication skills

• Problem-solving

• Conflict management

• Increasing positive interactions

• Reducing destructive behaviors

 

Rather than deciding who is “right,” I help the couple understand how both partners contribute to and maintain the cycle. Typically, I will meet with the couple together for an initial session. This session explores difficulties occurring within the relationship, how the relationship has evolved over time and strengths within the relationship. Often there will be one-off individual sessions with each partner, to understand their own life experiences and templates developed in childhood. The aim is to create a shared understanding of the relationship’s recurring struggles and help the couple develop both acceptance and change strategies.

 

Research has found IBCT can be effective for many distressed couples and can improve relationship satisfaction and stability. It is one of the more well-studied forms of couple therapy. A key principle of IBCT is that lasting improvement often comes not only from changing your partner’s behaviour, but also from changing how each partner understands and responds to the relationship’s difficult moments.